Archive for November, 2009


1000 tweets

gold-star-confettiI missed it. I was going into my followers lost for some b0t removal early this morning and there it was. I had passed my 1000 tweet mark. And passed it virtually UNNOTICED. I am so ashamed and chagrined.

In an effort to rectify this egregious situation, I am going to offer a colossal Follow Friday listing as a thank you. To those who star me, recommend me, pimp me, make me giggle and make me pee my pants.

You saw me, just a kid hanging on the edge of the playground and gave me a chance to kick the ball.


You filled me with coffee and bacon wrapped donuts in the early hours: @HemiRT5pt7, @debihope, @Tony_E_NC, @CynicalNihilist, @Toy_A, @bluedream420

You offer me memes during the day and watch me swipe meeting food without ever telling anyone: @sandwichpolice, @carrmah, @annoyingworldm @girlmonkey

You encourage workday office supply closet crafts: @JeeNeeBee, @drinkerthinker, @bonisteel, @Capsaholic

You commute home with me and, well really, that’s enough: @WadetoBlack, @Mela_De, @MrBigFists, @Trick_or_tweet

You watch my favorite shows with me in the evening: @CourtneyofDoom, @CinderellaJoey, @JustMarciT, @Pasqualena

You are sassy and sexy and make me blush.: @thebenbrooks, @redtothetone, @rbok, @bestgirlbetty, @GSouder, @GroverViolet

You are the village that will raise my kids I am sorry to say (are you available to sit this weekend?): @CousinBrandon, @ruthakers, @GPappalardo, @topnotchtutor, @wordtoyourmom, @BrilliantOrange

And you are loved for all your awesome qualities: @TerriSueWho, @theacerbic1, @NoirGeek, @TheDelicateFlwr

And some new found friends of like minds: @snackajawea, @yowhatsthehaps, @krabifff


I have a way to achieve World Peace

Below, a two-part plan that will involve a lot of moving around. But, if you think about it, humans have been moving around for thousands of years. So what’s one more move…for WORLD PEACE?
Part 1: Smokers to Europe.
Let’s face it, America and Canada HATE smokers. Europeans love to smoke. So, all the people who smoke will move to Europe. Europeans who don’t smoke (I’m looking at you, Denmark) can move to America and enjoy a smoke-free world. Even kids who think they might want to smoke will benefit. They’ll see the Louvre and learn to smoke in a country that appreciates them. Tobacco companies can charge more for American brand cigarettes abroad. And, the government can charge export tax. Win-win.
Part 2: Swap Cuba for Israel
Poor Israel. A tiny sliver of land surrounded by pesky Arabs. Poor Cuba. A tiny island country holding onto Communism way past its expiration date. Do you see where I’m going here?
If we can blow up the moon, certainly we can figure out a way to move all the religious relics and ancient buildings to IsraelIsle (patent pending).
I’m sure Cuba will do just fine in the Middle East. The 1950s cars will be a big attraction for rich sheiks who collect vintage cars. As for industry, former Cubans can move right into the Kibbutzim. Communism, who cares? They’ll be living on communes for crying out loud.
Just imagine, the Holy Land only a short flight from West Palm Beach. What a boom for the depressed Florida real estate market. You can pray at the Wailing Wall in the morning and be home for the deli dinner special at 4:30.
Don’t get me started on the tourism opportunities! Family cruises to the Holy Land and Aruba. College kids can go to Bethlehem for Christmas and Jamaica for New Year’s Eve. Forget Easter Mass in Vatican City (too smokey) take a luxury cruise to Jerusalem!
I’ll be here until next post, waiting for my Nobel Peace Prize.

November 2009
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